Funny & Enlightening Stories

..continued

A certain conqueror said to Mulla Nasrudin: "Mulla all the great rulers of the past had honorific titles with the name of God in them: there was for instance, God-Gifted, and God-Accepted, and so on. How about some such name for me?"

"God Forbid," said Nasruddin

____________________

_____________________________________________________________

Two monks, Ananda and Ashoka, came to a rapidly flowing river and were preparing to cross it. A young woman was standing on the bank also wanting to cross.

"Hey monks- I am frightened to cross the river by myself but I must get to the other shore. Can you carry me please? I am very light" she said.

The monks looked at her and hesitated. Then after a few moments, Ananda went to her and said, "All right, get on my back."

He carried the woman accross, reached the other shore and left her there.

The two monks continued their journey. But Ashoka kept thinking, "We are celibates. Ananda should never have come into such close contact with a woman. Her breasts were pressing against his body. She was holding him tight. And Ananda was holding the woman's thighs. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. This is against the rules." Ashoka became obsessed with these thoughts. He lost his peace of mind and was going through agony and agitation. Time passed and he kept brooding on these thoughts. After an hour or so, he could hold his tongue no longer. He lashed out at Ananda: "Ananda what have you done, you have broken our vows of celibacy! You carried that woman on your back; that was wrong. You must confess to our teacher this evening."

"Ashoka, I left the woman at the river bank a long time ago," Ananda replied, "but you seem to be still carrying her in your head!"

___________________

There is an old Jewish joke: During Yom Kippur, the rabbi is seized by a sudden wave of guilt, and prostrates himself and cries, "God, I am nothing before you!" The cantor is likewise seized by guilt, and cries, "God, I am nothing before you!" Seeing this, the janitor at the back of the synagogue prostrates himself and cries, "God, I am nothing before you!" And the rabbi nudges the cantor and whispers, "Look who thinks he's nothing."

____________________

A young man called Sheikh Chili was standing in a marketplace. A merchant named Govinda asked him to carry a clay pot full of sesame oil to his house on the other side of town.

"I will pay you ten rupees," said Govinda.

"Fifteen rupees, sir," bargained Sheikh Chili.

"Okay, fifteen rupees, then", said the merchant.

Govinda helped Sheikh Chili to lift the clay pot and balance it on a cloth ring on top of his head. Sheikh Chili followed the merchant cheerfully and started to dream about his future....

"With fifteen rupees I will buy a hen and a rooster. The hen will produce eggs and I will have many chickens. I will sell the chickens and buy a nanny goat and a billy goat and they will produce many kids, I will sell the kids and get a lot of money and then I'll buy a cow and a calf. Eventually I'll buy a house and then I'll be able to get married and with my wife's dowry I will have plenty of money. I will have children and they will call me for delicious dinners cooked by their mother...."

He was planning his future, and in absolute delight he opened both his arms wide, saying to his imaginary children, "Yes, yes, I'm coming; I'm coming for my dinner!" He forgot all about the oil pot on his head which fell clattering to the ground and broke into smithereens. Not only did the oil flow away into a nearby gutter, but the merchant angrily demanded that he pay for it and the oil. Sheikh Chili was in tears and in debt.

____________________

When the Guru sat down each evening, the ashram cat would get in the way and distract worshippers. So he ordered that the cat be tied up during evening worship.

After the guru died the cat continued to be tied during evening worship. And when the cat expired, another cat was brought to the ashram so that it could duly be tied up during evening worship.

Centuries later learned treatise were written by the guru's scholarly disciples on the liturgical significance of tying up a cat while worship is performed.

_____________________________________________

Go ahead, light your candles and burn your incense and ring your bells and call out to God, but watch out, because God will come and He will put you on his anvil and fire up his forge and beat you and beat you until he turns brass into pure gold.

Sant Keshavadas

____________________

There is a story about a man who wants to find a fresh spring of water.

So he goes around digging.. Though he digs down just one metre and then he moves on and digs somewhere else. He digs in 50 different places just one metre down. Of course he doesn't find the water.

However if he had been digging in the same place, he would be 50 metres down, and sure to find the fresh spring of water.

_________________________

Someone brought a compass that he had found and asked Mulla Nasrudin if he knew what it was. Mulla looked at the compass and began to cry. A few minutes later, he stopped crying and began to laugh.

The man asked: "Why did you cry and why are you laughing now?"

Mulla said: "I cried because I thought how stupid you were not to know what a tiny object like this is. Then I laughed, because when I thought about it, I realized that I didn't know what it was either."

_____________________

One upon a time lived a couple that for many years had no children. When they were well on in age, the wife bore twin boys- two brothers. The labour was difficult, and shortly after child birth their mother passed on to the next world.

Their father hired nurses and tried to bring up his children as best he could. And he managed indeed, for the nigh on fourteen years. But as his boys approached their fifteenth birthday, the father himself passed on....

_____________________________